I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand. Although as an author I am responsible for making readers understand--a reader who doesn't understand is an unhappy reader. (And there is some value to leaving some questions unanswered.
Accept that years were wasted on an alcoholic. Accept that you were married to a man who was in denial. Let go of the abuse you took from an alcoholic. Let go of the man who chose drinking over his children and wife. Have faith in what will be.