I wish Facebook had privacy settings for people's thoughts.
I wish I was as skinny as I was back when I thought I was fat.
I may not have found the right person yet but I'm having a pretty good time with the wrong ones.
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.
I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.
Love is not having to hold your farts in anymore.
I would consider selling my body if it was by the pound.
Taping your balls between your legs does not count as a Halloween costume.
For Halloween you should go as the person you claim to be on Facebook.