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Fluent

I am fluent in three languages.English, Sarcasm, and Profanity. Funny Sayings and Pictures: The Languages I Speak ('Funny Status')

Homegirl exercises, but doesn't run.

I was not, am not and never will be a runner even though I can picture a young, thin me in a really cute running outfit, ipod plugged into my ears and long ponytail swinging from side to side. Alas, I am not a runner.

Press 1 for English.  Enter your 16-digit card number that the customer service representative will ask you for again.

My experience with "customer service" every time.There should be a law requiring insurance companies to answer the phone this way.

this is not always a good thing, as i've learned over the years - but i just can't stop.

I stay fat because it would not be fair to all the thing people if I were this good looking, intelligant, funny AND thing. It's a public service really. SO true!

...the reason I have no friends...lol

Funny Confession Ecard: Im not anti-social. I just have a strong aversion to B., drama, and pretending. makes-me-laugh-quotes

My husband would so agree

Story of my life. My sister, mom, and I love target lol

I miss the age when I thought I would have my shit together by the time I was the age I am now

i truly dont think this will ever happen. at ANY point in your life your going to think at a certain age youd have your shit together. what is "having your shit together" anyways. fuck it.

hahaha

nickthejam: “ Then don’t join my fan club bitch. ” this was funny to me

No Soliciting

No Soliciting sign. Soooo need to make this. Our sign that says "no soliciting" clearly isn't enough because people knock on the door daily.

22 Reasons Why Gym Class Is The Most Horrifying Part Of Childhood

If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die. HAHAH My husband told me this yesterday. He yelled RUN SAVE YOURSELF and i looked back to see what we were running from first! He said running is your death trap uummm yup

hahaha

Funny pictures about Money can't buy me happiness. Oh, and cool pics about Money can't buy me happiness. Also, Money can't buy me happiness.

And they will know they were conceived via raunchy sex one day.

Fifty Shades Of Funny: The Best Of The 50 Shades Of Grey (good thing I havent read it!

=)

DYWYHSM: new favourite super mean blunt cards I should do this to these 2 stupid ladies who laugh at me all the time.

Bitch, why do you ask me a question and then interrupt me when I'm in the middle of answering it. You're fucking rude! LOL!

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic. So its not very nice, it is however funny

Funny Friendship Ecard: I just knew we'd be friends forever from the moment I discovered that you also have no filter for your bitchy and sarcastic thoughts. so this explains our friendship to a T

exhausted

yup i hate stupid people.especially people who pretend to be stupid

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