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You gave me decades of bitch training. I hate being a bitch.

The only way to be successful is to plan on it! Click through to read the second secret in my "How to be AWESOME series!"

A Surefire Plan To Avoid Failure

"I adore spontaneity, providing it is carefully planned." So me.

via Moving On With My Life/FB

By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you the biggest disappointment of my life. You may now kiss my ass.

hahaha. I'm not a mom. but I'm sure someone's thought this before..

Pour On The Mom Guilt I love mom snark. This doesn't mean I don't adore my kids and being a mother, but mom snark is a great way to laugh off the stress.

Shut up

Shut up

For real I don't b giving a shit bout u petty bitches

You can hate me all you want, you're not the first nor the last. I don't give a crap who you are, I don't kiss ass! I'm not the one losing sleep at night thinking about stupid shit like that!

couldn't be any truer..

You call it road rage. I call it aggressively driving around assholes who don't know how to fucking drive!

Some days I'm a bitch ... #ecard #humor For more quotes and jokes, check out my FB page:  https://www.facebook.com/ChanceofSarcasm

Some days I'm a bitch . Other days, I'm an even bigger bitch.

I'm not anti-social.  I'm selectively social.  There's a difference.

I'm not anti-social. I'm selectively social. VERY selective.

Fuck Yeah Funny E-Cards!

Funny Confession Ecard: Today I found a penny, it reminded me of you. Worthless and found in everyone's pants. (reminds me of a few).